What is love?

 First of all, love is not what we see in T.V. I am talking not about the love we have for a car or food, but for another person. In Greek there are four different types of love; 

Storge: between parents and children

Philia: between friends

Eros: men and women

Agape: independent of feelings

Love is crucial for our well-being, we all need it. It is more than just passion. When one "falls in love" they can just as easily fall out. Love is intentional. John Van Epp teaches the relationship attachment model (RAM). 

Following this model provides protection in relationships. For more information, read his book "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk". 
Together + talk + time = knowing, and it takes three months to even begin to know someone. It is also important to know someone in many different situations. Know them in different seasons, over summer break and when you're in school. Know them with strangers and friends. I strongly believe it is so important to see someone in as many situations as possible. 
Someone even recommended purposefully having a date go wrong just so you can see how they handle the situation, it says a lot about them!

Harold B. Lee said that one should aim to communicate not to be understood, but to not be misunderstood. Your differences only get in the way if you handle them poorly. Talk about it, try to understand the other point of view. Getting married doesn't suddenly change the relationship, marriage is amazing, but it should be to someone you know, trust, rely on, can commit to, and love. 

To get married you have to start somewhere, dating. Is dating dead? If so, let's bring it back! Going on a date doesn't need to have so much pressure, just have fun and get to know different people. Just because you go on one date with someone does not mean you have to marry them either! What is a genuinely fun date that you have been on? 

My parents didn't want me dating until I was 16 years old and so for my 16th birthday my best friend put together a big group date and we all went and played mini golf! It was so fun! The guy who asked me out put a big sign on my garage asking me out which made it even more special. Another special date was just going fishing with some other friends. I haven't really gone fishing much and I got to learn which was fun. 

A date is planned for, paid for, and paired off. A date shouldn't be too long, make it short, leave them wanting more. Do an activity that allows you to get to know one another. Watching a movie and making out is not a good example. Not that it's a bad idea, it just doesn't really get you anywhere. See them in different environments, like hiking and restaurants. See them with a variety of different people by doing dates with others. When I was dating my husband we hung out with his friends, my friends, roommates, eventually we brought in family. I also was constantly asking what they thought of him, if there was anything I was missing. 

Dating is about getting to know, bring back dating! 

Even once you are in a steady relationship, keep it alive. Always be engaged in intentional activities. Everyone likes to be loved, so love them. 

picture from group date 


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