Communication

 

The other night I asked my husband a question and he responded with a normal answer in a bit of an angry tone. I was a little surprised, not knowing what I did wrong. I approached him and asked, “Are you mad at me?” He said no, and of course I did not believe him, so I probed a little more. I discovered that he was telling the truth, his tone had come from being upset that the light bulb by the front door had just burnt out! Imagine what had happened if I had not simply asked. I probably would have spent the entire evening feeling upset and confused.

            Communication is so important in all relationships! Communication consists of about %14 of the words we use, %35 of our tone, and %51 is nonverbal. Nonverbal can include our stance, if we make eye contact, and our facial expression. There can often be a discrepancy between what you say and what they understand.



(https://theodorewalters.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/7e36a5b05a17f487a0dc380e8be9ba29.jpg?w=1000)

            Communication has two sides, the speaker and the listener. The listener should ask themselves, “Am I listening?” and “Can they tell?” Misunderstanding can be avoided through empathy and inquiry. Hurtful things should always be avoided. Sometimes this conflict or fighting is necessary, but other times it can be destructive. Choose your battles wisely. It is more about how you communicate than what you communicate, do not hold back your true feelings, but do so in a respectful way.

There are commonly five steps associated with effective communication:

1.      1. Disarming techniques- find truth in what is being said

2.      2. Empathy- put yourself in their shoes, thoughts and feelings

3.      3. Inquiry- ask questions to learn more

4.      4. “I feel”- express your own feelings

5.      5. Stroking- convey respect, say something positive 

Before an important discussion, complement one another, pray to the Lord, and discover what He would have you do, not your own preferences. Pray again for confirmation.

A very often used piece of advice is “Never go to bed angry” I think that this is terrible advice. Odds are that you are tired and stressed, after a nap and a snack, things will make more sense. By then you may even forget what you were fighting about.

We are flawed people who marry flawed people, once you get married you are promoted to best friends forever and it is important to be honest about everything!

You are always communicating something

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